#never heard them say anything negative about trans people but still

[eddiediaaz]

i've just realized i haven't really talked about that with anyone for some reason?? i casually came out to my mom and step dad the other week when i was at their place (it went well) by telling them i was dating someone who's non-binary and transmasc. i've only dated cis men before so they had no clue that i'm queer/bi. then i also told my dad yesterday over the phone. and all three of them one of their very first questions was "did they have surgeries?"

like???????? why is that your first question. why are you asking what's in their pants?? not to mention how confused they were by the non-binary aspect of it all, they barely understand what being trans means. my partner's pronouns are they/them in english and il/lui (he/him) in french, which is a whole other complicated thing dskfjbdfs. they don't speak french a lot, but we do live in a predominantly french speaking area, and french is super gendered. it doesn't have a great translation for they/them (there are new words tho but not a lot of people know them yet), and my parents don't really speak english, so trying to explain all of that was confusing for them dfsklndfs

anyway, they weren't being at all judgemental tho, they were happy for me and the questions they asked me definitely came from a place of curiosity and wanting to understand. some questions were definitely not great (like the surgery questions), they didn't even realize it's not something that should be asked (they know now though). my mom really wanted to understand what non binary means. my dad was just like "whatever makes you happy", but he also already knew i was queer even tho i never came out to him because he hinted at it multiple times and i never denied it lol.

my step dad said "i don't need to understand the whole thing to respect it and be happy for you both" and that's the entire point in my opinion!!!

[permanentlyfemale]

⚠️ Feminization, Misgendering, Forced detrans kink ahead! ⚠️

Today is a scary day for you. As a trans man, finding the right therapist is far more difficult than it is for most people, especially as you weren’t looking for just a new therapist today. You also need someone to write you a top surgery letter. Although you’ve only been on T for 2 months, barely enough to notice anything besides an increased libido and clit growth, your breasts are by far your biggest source of dysphoria. You often wear two binders when you’re going anywhere, and even then, a sizable bump is visible on your chest. You’re hoping they may become easier to bind with hormones, but you already know that you’ll need surgery regardless.

“Milo Brown?” A masculine voice calls your name from across the room. Glancing up, you see a very attractive man, much taller than you, looking to be in good shape under his professional attire, but not overly muscular. His dark shoulder-length wavy hair and stubble complement his gentle, masculine face and warm brown eyes.

Surprised by the man’s beauty, you stumble on your words as you rise from your seat. “I- uh- I’m here.”

“Great! Let’s get back to my office.” He smiles warmly and gestures for you to follow him out of the waiting room and down a hallway, passing mostly empty offices on the way. This doesn’t seem too odd, as there was construction on the lower floor. Maybe some patients didn’t like the noise and cancelled? Or maybe you’re trying to distract yourself from thinking of the exceedingly attractive man that may soon be your therapist. You’ve considered yourself gay since coming out, but starting hormones has certainly made that attraction all the more apparent.

As he opens his office door, you’re surprised by how casual it is. There’s a long couch next to an armchair, with a clipboard set neatly on top. His desk is to the side, seemingly ignored while clients were present in favor of a more personal layout. Thinking of something to say as you sat on the couch, you spit out “I like your office.”

“Thank you Milo, I spent a lot of time thinking of the anatomy of the room and how to make my clients most at ease. I find this works best.” He smiles at you, his eyes gentle and enticing. “I’m Dr. Sterling, I specialize in support for LGBT and FTM clients. Nice to meet you! Tell me a but about yourself and what brings you here.”

“My name is Milo Brown, I’m 19 years old, and I just started testosterone. I’ve been out as trans for a while but finally got access to hormones and I’m hoping to get top surgery as well, but I need a letter for it. I also just need support with my dysphoria and depression.” You cross your arms over your large chest self-consciously.

“Well, that’s nothing I haven’t heard before. Can you tell me more about your dysphoria regarding your chest?”

Shifting uncomfortably in your chair, you hesitantly proceed. “Every day is awful! They’re the first thing I think about when I wake up and I go to sleep trying not to feel or think about them. They’re so big and heavy that I feel them whenever I move and it makes me so dysphoric. It’s also impossible to make myself flat, so I never pass. As a gay man, it’s so hard to find a man who would want a guy with a body like mine!”

“Oh, Milo, I think that’s very negative thinking. Plenty of men would find you attractive! I thought you were quite beautiful when I saw you myself.”

You’re surprised by his words! That sounded very flirtatious, but maybe he was just trying to boost your ego. Either way, it made the empty space between your legs tingle when he said it. You also didn’t know he was queer, but it definitely makes you more comfortable with him. “Well… that does make me feel better. I still don’t feel comfortable with my chest though.”

“Why don’t we try something? This is an exercise I’ve done with plenty of my transmasuline patients before, and it has always improved their lives and helped with dysphoria. While we do it, I can assess you for top surgery as well! How does that sound?” He smiled at you expectingly.

“Uhhh… yeah, that sounds good. What are we doing?”

“I’m just going to have you answer some questions about your body and dysphoria. This may get uncomfortable, but it’s all part of this process. I’m sure you can trust me, right?”

“Of course!” You answer instinctively.

“Right. First, I want you to take off your shirt and binder.” He instructs casually.

“What!? I thought we were just answering questions. Is that necessary?” You’re again surprised, he wasn’t a surgeon and you had never shown anyone your chest before. You didn’t want to look at it yourself, much less this beautiful man you’re expecting to see regularly!

“I understand this is surprising and uncomfortable, but I want to understand your perspective on your body, as well as assess the size and density for surgery. I need to know this for the letter, and I understand this is very important to you. I’m sorry for the discomfort, Milo.” He looked at you apologetically, his brown eyes sparkling, staring in to your soul and shooting down between your legs.

“I… okay.” What he was saying did make sense, and you would do most anything for this surgery. Resolving to just get this over with, you take off your oversized hoodie and throw it on the couch next to you. Grabbing both binders at once, you exert a herculean force squeezing yourself out, panting as your huge breasts fly out. You blush with embarrassment as a loud clap can be heard from them swinging together.

Dr. Sterling calmly walks closer to you. “Do you know your cup size?”

“Uh… no, sorry.”

“That’s alright, we can measure now.” He smiles warmly and pulls out some measuring tape. Without hesitation, he walks up to you and wraps it around your chest! He first measures your underbust before moving to measure your bust. His hands rest on your breasts as he does so. “Alright… looks like you have J cups.” His hand brushes your nipple as he backs away.

“Mmph!” Involuntarily, you let out a short, feminine moan. Both the dysphoria of knowing your overwhelming cup size and your accidental vocalization leave you embarrassed and blushing harder than ever.

“It doesn’t seem like you’ve experienced any vocal changes from testosterone.” He observes.

“Umm… not yet, no.”

“It also seems like you have quite sensitive nipples?”

“I guess…”

“Well, have you ever considered embracing your breasts?”

“Huh?” You were confused. They made you sad and dysphoric, how could you ever embrace them? He did say whatever he was doing worked for all of his other transmasc patients, but this seemed absurd.

“Your breast are way too big to bind properly. I’ve seen you wearing two binders in here, and that is not healthy. As your therapist, I can’t encourage you to damage your body in such a way, and especially without two binders, you wouldn’t be able to hide them at all anyways. And why go through the trouble of binding if everyone can tell? It might do you some good to just accept your body as it is. It’s not like whether you bind now will affect surgery.”

Unfortunately, everything he was saying made perfect sense. Even when binding, it was very obvious you had breasts. Why go through all the trouble, especially if it was hurting your body? You were dysphoric either way, might as well be more comfortable physically. “I guess… I guess you’re right.”

“Yes… unfortunately it’s also not very possible hormones could reduce them to a bindable size either.”

This devastated you. Even later on testosterone, you would have obvious breasts? How could you expect anyone to take you seriously as a man? You had hoped to begin passing in public soon, and finally begin living comfortably, but you weren’t so sure now. Would it even be safe to live as a non-passing trans man? Why were you going through so much for hormones if there was no hope of passing before surgery anyways? Maybe you should just wait until then for hormones- no one will gender you right as you are now. “Maybe… maybe I should pause testosterone until surgery then.”

“Yes, I can see why. That might be the safest option for you.” He nodded solemnly. “We can practice some exercises to reduce dysphoria until then, if you’d like.” His frown shifted in to a comforting smile.

Still upset, you nodded.

He moved closer and, before you could react, placed one hand on each perky, round breast, grabbing you by the boobs.

Surprised, you squeaked.

“This is just to get you used to your breasts. It often helps most when someone else does it, so you’re more comfortable with other people seeing them.” He gently squeezed and pulled, running his fingers along your supple breasts, warm palms pressing your hard nipples.

“Mmmmmm-! Oooh!” You let out a series of feminine wails as the doctor palms at your breasts. They were so sensitive and they felt so heavy- so wrong on your body- and yet they sent waves of pleasure throughout your curvy figure.

“Are you still going to go by Milo? I mean, you’re stopping T until surgery because you won’t be able to pass. It would be weird to only keep the name and pronouns, especially for strangers.” His hands shifted to thumb at your nipples.

Your thoughts were flooded with waves of pleasure shooting from your tits. The importance of this decision didn’t fully register, but what he was saying made sense to you. “You’re right.”

“Good girl.”

“Huhh…”

“People are going to refer to you by what you look like. You know you don’t pass. This is just exposure training, okay?”

“Okay…” You mindlessly agree as he moves his head close to your breast.

“See? You are a good girl.” He starts to suck on your nipple, causing you to throw your head back and wail in pleasure. You don’t know when his own clothes came off, but he’s getting on top of you and pulling your pants off, leaving you in just your boxers with his much larger biologically male body pinning you down, suddenly kissing your lips.

“What… what are you doing now, d-doctor…” he cuts you off as you pant your words out.

“The easiest way to adapt to and accept being seen as a woman is to have sex with a straight man, one who can use you as only male can use female. You need this, Amelia. It’s okay.”

Hearing your deadname makes you cringe with dysphoria. You’ve always felt an aversion towards it, despising the femininity it signaled. You struggle to reconcile your attraction to the doctor and trust in his methods to your current panic. This all felt good and sounded logical but it’s happening too fast to react, and these are all such big decisions, and suddenly he’s pulling your boxers off.

“Your pussy is so perfect. You make such a sexy woman.” He rubs the length of his cock along your clit and hole. The distinction between your pathetic nub and his masculine length is obvious. He gropes your massive jiggling breasts, squeezing them together and lowering his head to kiss and suck your nipples as his dick prods your entrance.

“Doctor Sterling…” You moan his name as his assault on your tits grows heavier. He sloppily makes out with your huge boobs, enjoying every second he can get drowning in your massive breasts.

He momentarily pulls his mouth from your tits. “Yes… fuck, Amelia!” He rams his hard cock all the way inside you, hitting your cervix as he moans your deadname, resuming his assault on your massive wobbling boobs all the while.

You scream and wail, unsure if it’s in pleasure or some mix of dysphoria and grief for your lost ambitions. Whatever male identity you insisted on was currently obstructed by your massive tits and the straight man enjoying them as he pounded in to your soft, tight vagina. Anyone who saw you two would know immediately that this was heterosexual sex- they would never stop to consider you could be anything but a curvy woman being held down and fucked by a handsome man. Suddenly, the doctor’s thrusts sped up. You forgot condoms, and you’re barely on T!

Right as you open your mouth, he interrupts. “I’m gonna cum, Amelia! I’m cumming inside you!” He holds himself against your cervix, comforting you as you begin to scream. “Shhh, good girl, it’s okay.”

You feel his hot cum flood in to your unprotected pussy, tears falling from your eyes. Feeling the sticky cum start to leak out, you manage to speak. “Do… do you have a towel?”

“Uhhh… here!” He grabs your binders and rips them both, turning them in to makeshift towels as he pulls out, along with a flood of cum.

You know you said you wouldn’t bind anymore, but having the option taken away made everything all the more real. You know it was for the best tho. He specializes in helping trans men, and he said this always works. You just have to trust him! As time runs out, you don’t even realize you forgot to finish your top surgery letter.

Still… you couldn’t wait to book your next session.

[the-bar-sinister]

I wasn't going to say anything, because I don't want to upset anyone, and I believe that everyone has the right to their own opinions and headcanons, queer or otherwise. 

But at this point it's unavoidable.

The sheer prevalence of the "trans Apollo Justice" headcanon trend, and the way in which some of the fandom treat the idea and interact it with it is uncomfortable.

Speaking as a trans man, the way I see Apollo Justice presented in fandom as trans is deeply uncomfortable.

It's uncomfortable because the "evidence" people use for this headcanon is all deeply emasculating stereotypes about trans men, and reflective of the insecurities that trans men have. 

Saying that "Apollo could be trans" because he's short, small, unconfident, and has to work hard to be loud and be heard is reflective of negative stereotypes of trans men that many trans men feel uncomfortable, ashamed and like they'll never be seen as men.

Likewise, a lot of the way that people talk casually about trans Apollo Justice is anything but affirming of his masculinity. It's again emasculating– it's humiliating. It's all uwu soft bean, tboy swag, twink, so small so precious. It's not affirming of his gender.

There are 355 works on AO3 tagged with "trans apollo justice". Out of those works, 155– fully half of them– are tagged as explicit. They're about, or contain, explicit sex. This is not a bad thing. 

However, a quick glance at the last 2 pages or so "trans apollo justice" fics? They're all "vaginal sex" "breeding", "breast fucking", "cunnilingus".

I'm not one to cry "fetishization" but this feels like fetishization. 

Do you think I could find a fic where Apollo uses a strap on someone else if I tried? 

This doesn't feel gender affirming. 

This feels uncomfortable.

And I raise this point not to yuck anyone's yum. 

But it's becoming unavoidable. I have the tag "trans apollo justice" blocked on tumblr, and I still see uncomfortable posts about it because people don't tag it.

I'm not saying anyone has to stop headcanoning Apollo as trans.

But I hope you'll take another look at why you feel that way, how you're talking about Apollo and his masculinity, and why all of that might make some trans men uncomfortable.

[trans-androgyne]

I don't really do this like at all but I have no idea where else to express my frustrations and dejection. This is pretty negative so no need to even read it but If you do I really appreciate it. I'm a transmasculine teenager and I remember first coming to tumblr from reddit cause I heard there was more transmasculine folks here and I was like waooww! Sounds great. I expected cool memes or positivity or representation just something I could relate to because I genuinely hated myself for being trans, so much. Can't come out at school, can't transition for like another four years, can't entirely come out to family either, so I can seek solace online. Now tumblr has become by #1 doomscroll site and I hate myself more than ever for newer reasons. Wooow. And this time it's coming from other queer people and it feels worse than anything I read from a genuine right-wing bigot. I keep feeling like my existence is just irrational and misogynistic and hopeless. I don't know how to feel any better about my identity as a transgender male.

Gods, I've been in really similar spots, I'm so sorry. Seeing the same old vitriol from cis transphobes is one thing. But when I stumbled into the discourse about transmascs on here, feeling that hated and rejected by my fellow queer and trans people pushed me to the brink of detransitioning. There are two main ways I pushed through that.

The first was to focus on other transmascs. Sure, I can hate myself for "choosing the wrong side" or whatever, but would I ever, ever say that about another transmasc? I wouldn't. I would never tell them half the stuff I believed about myself. It became clear to me that queer masculinity, especially trans masculinity and manhood, gets pushback both from inside and outside the queer community that it does not deserve. One's gender and gender presentation does not relate to their morality. Queer masculinity is beautiful and radical, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, and I let myself fall in love with it and engage in it out of spite. Even if I couldn't accept it on myself, I committed myself to letting other transmascs out there know that I believed their transmasculinity made the world a better place. After a while, it was a little easier to feel that way about myself too. I still get insecure about it, but I can always lean on other transmascs and transmasc allies about it.

That's the second strategy. I felt so isolated and alone as a transmasc, especially when we were being blamed for predstrogen being banned, that I ended up making a discord server centered on trans men and mascs. I've gotten so many friends and even two new partners out of that! It turns out that there are plenty of people who love transmasculinity even if they aren't transmasc themselves. An example is my trans femme S.O. who loves me being her transmasc stone butch and praises my masculinity constantly :) I suggest to all transmascs ever to surround themselves with as many people as they can that see the value of transmasculinity and don't hold bigoted beliefs about transmascs (because yes, believing that we're all annoying and attention-seeking and self-centered and misogynistic is bigoted). My server is always open if that might help you, but other spaces are out there as well. Just know you deserve to be supported in your identity and there are plenty of people who would give you that support. You are always, always, always welcome in my inbox, or DMs, or anywhere else. Please reach out if I can be of any help.

[sleepyleftistdemon]

(CW: mental health issues, gender dysphoria, disassociation, suicidal thoughts (and actual suicides), and maybe more)

I've been thinking about putting up my story for Pride Month. I started typing in this whole thing in someone else's post, but I didn't want to hijack it. (Although it was talking about some of the stuff I am putting here.)

Some background:

I was a military brat growing up. That means that I moved around a lot. That means that I didn't have the same groups of people around me, except for my parents and sister. Therefore, nobody could recognize my issues since most people thought it was just the way I was.

I am on the autism spectrum. That means (for this stuff at least) that I don't really do self-reflection well. Add that to the above point and... yeah.

Because I wasn't diagnosed with autism, my parents thought I was weird, weak, and an idiot. Oh they didn't say anything like that, but you could tell that's what they thought. I heard "You're old enough to know better" so many times. But I never caused major issues, so they thought that I would always do what they said.

When I was in single digits (1970s), every time I took a bath I would spend time trying to shove my p*nis back into my body. It didn't belong. So I was already experiencing gender dysphoria even back then.

I was miserable and without a reason I could recognize (not having heard of trans people). "Fortunately" while still in single digits, I found a character on a TV show that knew how to handle negative emotions. The show was "Star Trek", the character was Mr. Spock, and the method was repression.

So I was okay for a while.

In 10th grade, repression turned into (undiagnosed) depression, something else that nobody (including me) recognized. I thought it was perfectly normal to think about suicide when I had homework to do.

(I even remember the assignment that was the last straw. It was to write a romantic scene for English class. I wrote a note on it, telling the teacher I never wanted to see it again. She thought it was about how bad it was. I didn't tell her that it triggered me.)

After high school, I joined the military. It wasn't because I wanted to or anything like that. My parents wanted me to join and, with my depression, I really didn't care what I did.

After serving 4 years, I went to college. I was struggling a bit, so I went to get tested for ADHD at the student health center. (I had read up on it, including how a lot of people with ADHD were mistakenly diagnosed with depression. Ironic, really, because...)

I was diagnosed with disthymia, a chronic, low-grade depression. I got medication (Zoloft) and tried therapy. Since I was repressing and didn't realize it, I got nothing out of therapy, but the Zoloft worked enough for me to function.

Imagine, if you will, a wooden boat with a figurehead (me) on the bow. (Is that the right word? If not, deal with it.) Before the Zoloft, the boat builders put the figurehead almost completely underwater. I would come up for air, but it was difficult. After the Zoloft, it was like the workers moved the figurehead right at the waterline. I would have good and bad times, but they were all still under a cloud of depression.

Speaking of imagining things, do you remember the tiny alien controlling/riding in the robot in the movie "Men In Black"? Another thing that I did (and since I don't know when I started, so I'm just gonna put it here) was I pictured something similar like that for me. Except instead of picturing myself as an alien, I pictured myself as a small piece of dimmed light "no bigger than a flake of dandruff". (And I put those words in quotes because that is the exact wording I used.)

That, BTW, is called disassociation.

I the 2000s I got married to a woman that my parents hated. My parents disowned me because I wouldn't divorce her, thinking it would shock me enough to do what they wanted. Instead I disowned them right back by changing my last name and didn't attempt to contact them again.

My dad died in 2010. I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral. It wasn't until years later that I found out that he probably killed himself due to having early onset dementia.

After that, my mom got into more regular contact with me. She lived until her suicide in 2016. (She had bipolar disorder and I learned later that she had attempted suicide earlier. And that both of my parents cheated on each other during their marriage.) My ex-wife (yes, we did divorce but not because of my parents; she was hooked on opiods and had Borderline Personality Disorder) died the same year.

(I tried to get her (ex-wife) help, but she didn't want to change. After being left at work since she had the car AND finding her passed out on the toilet with drugs she got less than 2 hours before she was supposed to come get me, I had had enough.)

Anyway, that gave me a date where I felt I could commit suicide. I would be able to live a day longer than either of my parents (who I said saw me as weak), thus proving that I am stronger than they were while still not having to deal with my depression forever.

You know what saved me? One of the posts I read here on Tumblr a while back. The original post said that like women who buy fake p*nises, men can buy fake breasts. A reply to that post said that many men who bought those turned out to be trans.

I really didn't think that I was trans. I ordered fake breasts from Amazon and tried them out. They seemed great, but they weren't an actual part of me.

I wrestled with the thought that I might be trans. I asked myself if I was a woman if I'd still want to die. (The answer, BTW, was no.)

It wasn't until 2 months later that I went to a nail salon and got my nails painted that I experienced gender euphoria. Using the figurehead imagery from above, it was like the figurehead was at the top of the bow, riding proudly on the ship. Instead of seeing myself as smaller than the flake of dandruff, I pictured myself as a gingerbread woman inside the shell of a gingerbread man (keep this in mind).

It also reminded me of the single digits me in the bathtub, miserable without the words to say why. Repression sucks.

Since I am a veteran (and since it's cheaper than health insurance), I get my healthcare from the VA. I talked it over with the psychologist (or psychiatrist - whichever one can prescribe medicine). It took a while (mainly to get me comfortable with it) to see an endocrinologist. (Well, first I had to see a therapist to answer questions to make sure I was a good fit. When I brought up the gingerbread visual, she said that many trans people use the gingerbread imagery to help describe what they're feeling.)

So in May of 2024 (last month from when I posted this), I finally started on HRT. And while my depression is starting to creep back in (HRT doesn't work overnight), I realize that I am finally on the right path for me and my happiness.

(Of course, with all of the new transphobic laws and such coming into effect, this is also a stressful path. But it's the only way for me to go.)

I do hope this helps people, whether to know they aren't alone (for people still in their egg) or to help the transphobic people out there to see that trans people are just people, trying their best to get through life as painlessly as possible.

[vangbelsing]

Ever since Veilguard was announced, there's been an absolute tidal wave of hate ranging from vitriol for the art style, gameplay changes and overall feel/aesthetic of the game, to outright racism, homophobia and transphobia, as well as attacks on the devs and fans trying to enjoy the game. So I want to just put this out there.

It is valid to:

Not enjoy the art style, as no one should dictate what your aesthetic preference is

Prefer the systems/gameplay of previous DA games

Prefer to wait until the game is out before you buy into the hype

Distrust EA/Bioware due to its past and its current actions/situation

Criticize what you dislike about the game in your own posts

Simply decide that this game isn't for you

I encourage you to:

Speak out against the mass layoffs and often inhumane practices by EA and to elevate the voices of those impacted by them

Speak out against and bring attention to the problematic or harmful things EA/Bioware has/will engage(d) in, do, say, etc, willingly or unknowingly, in the future

Criticize EA, Bioware, the devs/team and Dragon Age itself about the things on which they can improve, as it is not too much to ask for someone/something to do better

Spread awareness of what EA/Bioware have done, what they are doing, and what they do in the future. Let people know the history of these companies so they can make informed decisions and to improve the working conditions for the teams at these studios

What you shouldn't do:

Attack or harass people who are excited for and showing support for the game.

Comment under the posts of fans or official trailers/interviews with the sole intention of hating on the game to ruin the excitement or fun for others. If you don't like it, don't interact with it.

Spread misinformation about the game in an attempt to negatively impact it

What is absolutely unacceptable:

Being a hateful fucking bigot

To all the hateful fucking bigots out there:

I keep seeing a repeat of comments like: "this isn't my Dragon Age!" "Dragon Age is too gay!" "Dragon Age has too many black/Asian, literally any person who isn't a cishet white male or a conventionally attractive straight white woman!" And you know what? You're absolutely correct! Dragon Age is gay! Dragon Age is a space where people of all colors, races, cultures, ethnicities, identities, sexualities, orientations, and all walks of life exist, both in world and in its fan base!

And as for this being "not your Dragon Age", again, you are absolutely correct! This isn't your Dragon Age, because Dragon Age isn't for you. It never has been, and it certainly isn't now. The co-creator is a gay man, the devs have always included queer people and poc, and despite its many flaws and the numerous ways in which it has let down the people belonging to those groups, it is still a space for them, which are created in part by people like them.

Dragon Age will always be inclusive, as it has been from the very first game that you love acting like you care about so much. There are gay, lesbian, bi, pan, trans, black, Asian, and all other kinds of people both in and behind these games! If you can't handle that, then fine! We don't want you anyway!

To the people who actually care about this series and who want this game and team to succeed:

I encourage all of you to let your voices be heard by the devs. Tell them exactly how you feel! Let them know what landed, what made you feel seen, what resonates, what you think needs work, where they stepped out of line; all of it! More than anything, there are real people behind this game, and they've poured years of their hearts, souls, time and talent into this piece, and it seems a lot of them genuinely care for their fans and this game and want to deliver the best game they can to us! And those people matter! They deserve a fair chance to see their work pay off without having to be negatively impacted by people who just want to spread hate and see others fail.

No one is above criticism, no matter how good their intention of how pure their desires are, so when they misstep, speak out! But while we should be sure to let the devs know how much this game means to us and how much what they do matters, let's also push for the fair treatment of everyone who was unfairly laid off or mistreated by EA/Bioware and who are still fighting for their due compensation for their hard work. Let's advocate for them in the months leading up to DA:TVs launch and the months after. And let the devs know how important it is to have those people's names in the credits!!!

And most importantly... Please be kind to and look out for one another!! There's so much going on in the world right now, and there is so much hatred being spread against minority groups, and we need to be compassionate to each other! Let's allow the game to be a thing that brings us together and gives us something to escape into and enjoy!

In closing:

Hate the game or love it, if you are transphobic, racist, homophobic, antisemitic, misogynistic, or any other kind of prejudiced bigot, THIS GAME IS NO PLACE FOR YOU!! NEVER WAS, NEVER WILL BE!!!!

Thanks for your time! Fuck TERFs and racists and all the other bigots!

[missmastectomy]

Hey there! Hope it's okay that I'm asking you this. I used to identify as non-binary but I'm trying to detransition back to being a woman and you seem really knowledgeable so I thought I'd ask you. Sorry for how long this ask is in advance.

So, my question is: Is there any way for me to get rid of gender dysphoria?

I just feel such a disconnect between the female parts of my body and myself. Looking in the mirror, my body is objectively fine. If any other person had my body, I would say they look great. But it just does not feel like me. I feel much more comfortable in a chest binder. I feel like I would be happier with myself if I transitioned.

I asked r/detrans on Reddit how to make it go away and I followed their advice. Most of it was pretty similar to the advice I saw you giving in your "mail" tag.

I've read books about feminism and body positivity (which did help with my issues about worrying about weight, and gave me a lot of insight into feminism and the patriarchy, but didn't do much about the dysphoria). I've tried getting outside and out of online trans spaces (also didn't help much). I've done a ton of reflection and thinking about myself and my experiences (didn't help a lot because I haven't really experienced a lot of sexism or negative feelings about being a woman - I don't have any SA or abuse trauma either). I present as a very GNC woman and have never had any negative experiences about that either.

I have no idea what to do. My life would be so much better if I could just be happy being a GNC cis woman. I wouldn't have to worry about dating, or telling my family, or paying for top surgery. But noooo my brain doesn't like that for whatever reason.

Wanting to be non-binary is honestly starting to make me hate myself because I just wish I could be normal. I don't want to get called a delusional weirdo for the rest of my life.

Literally any advice would be incredibly appreciated. Or thoughts. Anything. This is also really vent-y and I'm sorry about that. I'm just kind of at the end of my rope here.

Well, it sounds like you’ve done a lot of work to understand yourself better, so honestly I don’t know what I can do in that department. My main advice is always self reflect on anything negative w/ gender you may have experienced, associate positive things with gnc people etc… but in your case I’d recommend completely deconstructing your ideas about gender.

What I mean by that is that it sounds like you still believe in the concept of gender itself. For me, I don’t believe in it at all. I don’t believe non-binary is a valid identity, if you’re using it in place of describing your gender, instead of man or woman. I also don’t believe trans people really have a “gender identity” - I just consider them to be men and women who physically alter themselves to cope with dysphoria. They then take on a unique social role (if they assimilate), but I just wouldn’t call that “gender.”

If you stop believing in gender identity, you might have an easier time with your discomfort. It helped me a lot. I know that’s easier said than done. If you don’t believe in gender but are interested in transition, focus on the negative health aspects of transitioning.

You said you read my mail tags so I won’t go on about it, but transitioning will fuck you up in the long term, if you don’t start experiencing problems after a year or two. I’m serious, don’t do it. Top surgery is not what you think it is. You’ve probably heard this a billion times, but the issue is the way you perceive your body. And I don’t know you, so I’m not sure what advice to give specifically.

But some things are universal. Female bodies are not built to sustain themselves on male hormone levels. I understand if you’re dysphoric and feel like this is the only out, but people don’t understand how precious health is until you lose it. Or a body part. It’s an impossible feeling to explain unless you went through it.

If you go on HRT and are on long enough, you are going to experience problems with your reproductive system, or worse, your heart. T is especially hard on the cardiac system. It’s not “if,” it’s when. I was lucky to escape the worst of it because I was on a low dose for most of my transition. If you’re at male levels you will have problems. Like I said before, atrophy is super common. Uterine and vaginal, and it’s not just dryness when it’s moderate/severe. It’s your canal splitting open and making it agony to sit and walk. It’s the T in your system actively killing your reproductive organs. That’s why so many trans men get hysterectomies.

Surgery is a whole other issue. How would you feel if your surgeon botched your chest? If you had limited mobility or chronic pain, if you had dog ears or extremely visible scars? That is not a risk worth taking. Your health is more important. The brain can be treated with time - the body is harder when it has been damaged past a certain point.

Look, everyone who transitioned felt this way at one point. Or mostly everyone. Like we’re in a cage and there’s only one solution. But it’s a lie. These doctors are selling you snake oil, whether they realize it or not. I mean this in the non shittiest way possible, but your experiences with GD are not unique. There are people out there like you who have moved on and healed. It’s possible for you, too. A sure fire way to deal with GD is to completely stop entertaining the idea of transition, and gender generally. It is bad for you and I think there is no better way to describe it than extreme self harm. Transitioning won’t make you happy, or whole. What it will do is allow you to run away from yourself and give you a truckload of health/social complications to boot.

[faithfromanewperspective]

A) purity culture is a term describing sex negativity in religion and how it impacts people. It's not about like, holding celebrities to high standards

B) you know that conservatives exist in the real world right? They have friends, families, colleagues. Theyre not extremists because they live isolated etc etc. In fact people acting like its a-ok for them to want to destroy peoples rights is what keeps them conservative. If they were ostracised for their viewpoints they may actually reflect on them

C) taylor has had tons of bad friends. Lena Dunham literally molested her sister, for example. You think with Matty then Travis people would have learnt that taylor just doesnt give a fuck about racism, sexism (unless it affects her), etc. Shes not friends with Brittany cos shes trying to convert her- she just doesnt care. She just uses politics as PR- she doesn't actually care

hey anon! thanks for reaching out. working backwards, taylor isn’t a paragon for morality. if she were, she’d do activism properly including when it might reflect poorly on her. I agree, I don’t think she’s in it for some sort of ‘conversion’, she’s just there, and she’s honest about what she believes, but not in any kind of groundbreaking way just like a normal, bare minimum kind of way. more to the point of my post is that I don’t think you need to be a paragon of morality to make a difference. you can be self preservational and only honest when it’s not going to risk your success and still make more of a difference in peoples opinions by being one step less facist or whatever than them, but still being close enough to them that they don’t write you off completely. that’s how people’s minds are softened to new ideas, and most of the time it isn’t intentional (and I don’t think being friends with someone in an attempt to change them in any way is either healthy or ethical, but that’s for another post).

you raise an excellent point though in terms of how do we interact with rapists etc, especially when justice hasn’t been served for them and they’re still living in a world with no consequences. I know what I’d do, I don’t know about taylor or if she cares about figuring out what the right thing to do is there. all I’m saying is that if minds can be changed, sometimes the ways of getting there involve what looks like compromising your morals. we’ve all heard I can fix him. and we can also see that if minds can be changed by interacting in one way it can also happen in the other way and I don’t doubt that has happened to taylor to some extent and we do have a right to be disappointed by that. but like anything it comes with a trade off and taylor being able to post what she did without being brushed off (by some) as ‘a liberal’ and very possibly ‘a marxist’ is one positive aspect. it’s up to you to decide whether the positive outweighs the negative; if I could suggest something to anyone reading this though it’s that if you see the negative outweighing the positive, go and volunteer for a political or altruistic group that you agree with and learn to cultivate hope and confidence in your ability to make a difference, for the sake of your own happiness if nothing else. this advice is for all of us really, but I understand it’s not possible due to a number of constraints for many of us.

I do want to point out that leaning conservative and being a right wing extremist are vastly different things. and you’re so right in that they don’t exist in their own vacuums. for some of them they’re in extremist cults that require a lot of brainwashing and literally restrict who they interact with; for others it’s the small town effect where they never got to know any openly lgbtqia+ people and thus investigated the impacts of certain policies on them or questioned what they were taught about things like poverty being the individual’s fault—but would be open to changing their mind if their kid came out as trans, etc. But I do think in both cases having someone you respect (or at least you can’t bully out of your circles) who thinks differently and is able to articulate why can often be the first step to go from thinking of all liberals as some inhuman ‘other’ to people you don’t agree with but can respect (and maybe eventually learn from). I also think that there are things we can learn from conservatism especially when you look at early industrial era calls to conserve nature, but that’d be taking apart the whole political spectrum and again this isn’t the post for it.

yes, I know what purity culture is. I personally do this thing where I see aspects of it as in similar attitudes and just call it purity culture because often I find that people don’t ever think that just maybe, the same fear and longing for a structure through which to divide the world into ‘good’ and ‘bad’ that causes people to restrict people’s sexual expression could also result in people judging based on who you are willing to hang out with and it can easily all become performative, much like sexual ‘purity’ is also largely performative. while there is space to understand that who someone hangs out with says a lot about them, it also easily breeds tribalism which often does more harm than good—and a prejudice against people whose motivations you don’t know and won’t ever know unless you talk to them and accept them including their questionable behaviours. it’s not just celebrities we do this to, but I think because we can’t sit down and have a conversation with them or pop into their asks like you just did for me, that it becomes the only way in which we judge them. and I would appreciate if we questioned that sometimes. also some people are just fundamentally selfish but also have enough basic empathy or understanding or morality not to do anything really bad and honestly I think most of humanity falls into that category—but it also means they’d be open to realising when something they think is normal actually falls into the category of ‘really bad’. which, again, is something that often happens via exposure. sorry if I’ve made things confusing by calling something purity culture that’s not what it is but only reminds me of it.

[stardew-obsessed-ora]

I've been really busy, so I haven't been able to write anything I've wanted to in the past little bit. Regardless, I'd really like to expand on the concept of Trans Morris and my HCs revolving around him. They've been sitting in my brain for a while, and I'd love to share them with the audience.

Word Count: 1.5k! CW/TW: uhhhh not sure what to put here but Has themes of self doubt, dysphoria, and less upbeat societal stuff around the beginning OH ALSO UNSAFE BINDING IS BRIEFLY MENTIONED.

୨﹒Trans Morris HCs

︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦︶♡︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶︶꒦꒷

- I see Morris as a Trans guy who experiences dysphoria. (He/Him) - I imagine he first realized he didn't align with his agab as a young child. He realized he had more of a connection toward masculinity and toward other boys, but it never really clicked until he was older. All he knew was that he didn't like wearing anything overly feminine, and that he preferred to wear his hair up to make it look short. I imagine as a kid he’d pitch an utter fit being forced to wear any kind of dress, but it was just brushed off as him being a defiant kid. - Its not that his parents wouldn’t have been supportive, they just didn’t understand what his issue was, and were left even more confused when kid him tried to explain it. - He went through his teen years knowing something was off but never quite understanding what it was. There weren’t answers for him in any of the books he looked through, nor were there answers around him. It was isolating. It felt right being mistaken for a guy when his hair was up, and it felt mortifying when people corrected themselves. But it shouldn’t have. Why did it feel like that? - He was raised entirely oblivious to LGBTQ+ identities. After all, he was raised sometime in the late 80s/early 90s. Identifying as anything within the community was still seen as a taboo, so to say. He had heard about it in passing, and even heard about it in a somewhat positive light from a few people, but was too nervous to look into it himself. For every positive thing he heard, there were dozens of negative things. I heavily HC this man as having been bullied. It was terrifying to him. He was terrified of the possibility of being something that wouldn’t be accepted. Of something which was such a large part of other peoples’ existence being something that caused his more turmoil. A part of him felt like he was just looking for attention, and the other part felt like it’d be a dead end and that he’d end up worse off than he already was. He’d likely look into it too much and mislabel himself. Self doubt! Confusion! Imposter Syndrome! - Sometime in his teens he started feeling horrible dysphoria and ended up giving himself one of those choppy botched haircuts on numerous occasions. - Dysphoria hoodies were practically an everyday outfit. If anyone asked, he’d just tell them that hoodies and sweatpants were comfier to be in. - He fell victim to the bandage binding trap. He wanted to try to use anything to hide his chest, and so, he tried to bandage bind. Obviously after a bit of trial and error he realized this was an outright horrible idea and stopped bothering, resorting right back to the hoodie grind. - He started fully transitioning sometime when he was in his 20s. - He had absolutely no idea what the fuck being trans was, nor what how he felt was considered. He was nervous over bringing up how he felt, as it seemed entirely alien. He felt like it wasn't worth bringing up to anyone, and that it was in his head, really. If his parents didn’t know what he was talking about, if none of his peers understood, then clearly the issue was him. Right? He didn't know what transness was until he caught a conversation from a coworker within his department about it and realized their experiences and emotions aligned with his.

- Bro was standing there in his Joja apron thingy like :O.

- He didn’t confront them about it or anything, but knowing someone else felt similar to how he did was enlightening. It felt like there might’ve been people out there who understood his experiences, and that he wasn’t alone. There were people like him, and they were thriving.

- Eventually he’s able to find more information and resources pertaining to his feelings and he looks into LGBTQ+ identities as a whole. This is when he’s finally able to seek gender affirming care for himself, and also be able to better understand himself as a whole.

- The day this man started binding a weight was seemingly lifted off of his shoulder. It was more difficult for him to find a binder at first due to his size, but when he did… He stared at himself in the mirror for a solid 10 minutes in disbelief. It was his first ever experience with gender euphoria, and he could have cried on the spot.

- Coming out to his parents was another weight off of his shoulders. Well- after the long-winded explanation he had to give. His parents weren’t unsupportive, but they were entirely clueless like he was. It took a lot of examples and carefully expanding on concepts for them to finally start wrapping their head around his identity. They’re still a bit confused, but they’ve got the spirit!

- He actually let his mom help him with figuring out his preferred name! His dad rushed in to give his own input and ultimately they decided on his current name as one he liked :3 

- Pre-T his voice was lower on the register, but after taking testosterone his voice noticeably changed. He didn’t have to force a lower voice when speaking anymore. Of course, he did end up making it a habit to force a higher voice around people he didn’t quite trust anymore. At least until it was difficult to.

- Adjusting to testosterone injections was… not fun! I don’t headcanon he necessarily has a fear of needles, but he does hesitate every fucking time he gives himself a shot if there isn’t a distraction around for him to focus on. - bro has definitely done his T shot in a dingy ass joja restroom before

- I personally headcanon that even as a lower ranking Joja Employee he didn’t have much of anyone to speak to, so there wasn’t really anyone for him to come out to aside from his parents.

- He worked overtime constantly so that he could eventually afford top surgery.

- Post OP was even better than he could’ve imagined. After getting over the soreness of the procedure and resting for as many days as he could before the Joja demons wrangled him back into work, he stared at himself in the mirror and just grinned. Seeing himself the way he had always wanted to look was everything he could’ve dreamed of and more. He felt sheer gender euphoria and if it wasn’t for the fact that he was still sore as hell from surgery he would’ve probably pranced around.

- He was able to walk around his house with a shirt off more often, if not, almost all the time during the hotter seasons.

- Over the years I imagine he grew into his identity more and came to be really proud of who he is, and what he’s been through. Though, he still prefers only bringing his identity up to people he can trust. He’s still skittish over the thought of being chastised by others and still worries about the possibility of being outed to someone he can’t trust. Hate him for being a corporate drone, don’t hate him for who he is!

- He still experiences dysphoria, but it isn’t even remotely as bad as it was in his younger years. He can still be found in blanket-nests on the off day though, and he’s definitely snuck into a hoodie after work on numerous occasions. Why doesn't he wear a hoodie during work hours, you may ask? He's a FORMAL man who craves FORMALITY and STYLE. Removing his suit on work hours would be like removing a part of his soul, it'd be embarrassing stepping out and being seen as so informal for once.

- He looks at his surgery scars fondly, thinking of how far he’s come and how much farther he’ll inevitably come. - Coming out to any friend he makes is ultimately nerve-wracking for him, but he always says it with such a prideful, soft smile. - Despite being more discreet about his identity, he would 1000% be happy helping younger trans folk figure out their identities and help them grow into themselves. - He's not the best boss in the world, but by god is he great when it comes to inclusivity and making sure everyone is heard and accommodated and heard on that department. He's the guy who would absolutely risk his job yelling at some executive over their backwards ass views. Yes, he's a corporate suck-up, but he's not a big enough one to let that slide. - Bro absolutely reps that tacky Joja Brand Pride Merchandise every pride month. (and all year, for that matter. pride is an all year affair and hes letting it be known no matter how awful the mug is) - Eventually, with a lot of hesitation on his end, he openly comes out as trans and is greeted with just about nothing but support from the acquaintances he has. It took him by surprise for sure, but he could've swore he viewed the valley in a much softer light that day, and even moreso post community center. - After this, he's able to go to the beach topless, which was one of his longtime future goals. Not only does it feel reaffirming, but its the marking of him fully coming into everything regardless of his age. Plus, no longer would the days of a tank top and socks and sandals remain!

[rosepetalcigarettes]

note to past acquaintances/friends

(writing this knowing no one included would ever know)

since about highschool or so ive had alot of people in my life, friends, classmates, ect that ive had some sort of problem with at one point or so, either from them to me or from me to them, ive burned alot of bridges with people when i had been most vulnerable. so i am forgiving past bullies and all that aswell as apologizing to them and others. ive moved on alot in my life and am doing amazing now with minor hiccups, ive grown enough where i feel i should address lingering tensions with people ive known (either people i still may see/end up talking to or people ive not seen in years and will never see again) i would like to say that anyone i really remember being negative to me or anything ive forgiven at this point and i really cant blame anyone? at the time i didnt understand being bullied but i hope those people are doing great in life now, few mentions, in my alternative highschool there was a kid that would stab me with pens,ect and throw text books at me or dump stuff on me for being trans and sticking up for a gay friend he was being homophobic to, i realized he must of had other problems which he needed help with and probably didnt receive, i did try to be nice alot back then but he still would be mean probably since its hard to reciprocate that and probably felt he couldnt be vulnerable or it was a bad thing, hope you are doing good dude also ill never get over that you could tell i was trans before i admitted it finally, best luck!!. there was a few others i cant really remember as much from that year i hope yall are good too. moving on to when i went back to public school before covid there was a few people i remember aswell but during covid at the start when i came out my friend group kinda freaked a bit and started avoiding me and saying weird stuff including a childhood friend, ive got no idea what they have been up to as ive not seen them even online since then, the others i see around sometimes one i see alot irl but ive walked past him and he has no idea its me at this point but he also didnt really say anything and was more of a bystander, but i wish you all good luck too, the last one i know you were going to school aswell as doing music stuff (also played drums on a handful of my songs) i hope thats good and i see you still have the car you loved driving around. past that friend group were a handful of people i met through my girlfriends circles, there were a handful of people that were just fake and transphobic but ive not seen any of them in ages too or even online but i forgive yall aswell an i know one of you actually came out as trans too after we had been hanging out a few times, i hope you are doing good dude, last friend group that fell out ive not seen since, there was someone who we had fallen out with mostly by me and i had smashed one of their guitars they gave me/ let me borrow, ive not seen you in a bit but i hope you are alright ive heard its been tough according to people that had known you and you didnt deserve any of that, if i ever have money or make it big lol ill buy you a new tele either like what you had or something if we ever talk again, also the post that got you kicked from school as a threat, we never reported you i knew it was just one of those edgy jokes and i tired to tell others we knew at the time but i know others reported it, youve said some weird stuff to be edgy and done some very questionable things but atleast i hope you are doing good anyways i cant be mad anymore its been like two years and i shouldnt hold a grudge personally but i can still have opinions about other things youve done to others, it just doesnt feel right to "hate" you over that anymore. a girl we were friends with after had made not the best comments and got upset when we had tried to say it made us uncomfortable as friends since it was negative and included us indirectly, im not mad at you and when that happened we weren't mad or anything and were just trying to help thinking you would understand and not take it personally at all,

[nico-nico-suavecito]

Trans Year of Gratitude

Despair mitigation in the face of unceasing tragedy - a reflection on the last year following the Club Q shooting.

One year ago on Trans Day of Remembrance, I was scheduled to speak at my friend’s church about the nonprofit I work for. I was going to talk about queer joy and trans youth and all the work the church has supported us in doing. Then, I was going to pick up my partner and we were going to drive to Phoenix to visit my chosen family there, with a stop in Santa Fe.

I woke up that morning to a deluge of text messages and notifications, asking me if I was okay. I couldn’t tell you which headline first crossed my vision that finally pieced it all together. Just the flash of words. Club Q. Shooting. Injured. Dead.

In the months before this, I’d been in a state of trans revelry. I was back on testosterone. I was experimenting with self-expression and letting myself be the alt boy I never got to be in high school. My friends and I were going out dancing each week. I’d just entered a T4T relationship and was head over heels in love. I’d just restarted the queer open mics in October after a covid hiatus and was excited for them to be a regular event again.

I still went to church that Sunday morning, for possibly the first time in years. I struggled to be present — I kept scouring social media for news, reading my friends statuses and comments. “Has anyone heard from…” “Can someone confirm if they’re safe…”

I still went up to speak. Through tears, I wondered at our holidays. Trans Day of Visibility. Trans Day of Remembrance. I felt so much rage, the kind of rage that is love at its fiercest. We deserve better holidays than this. We deserve trans days of joy, and love, and everything beyond survival.

When I sat back down in the pew, I opened my phone. I saw that Daniel, who had been to my house multiple times for hair cuts and parties and who I admired as an out and proud trans man in our community, was gone.

I broke down in the pews. As the congregation sung “We Are the Ones” by Sweet Honey in the Rock, I started to write a wishlist of everything I wanted for trans people instead of what we were given. I wished us everything from bleeding bigots to coffee in bed with those we love. That’s how trans day of i love you was written.

That day, as people were sharing my post to their story, I started collecting people’s additions to the poem because they gave me hope and gratitude.

On the way to Phoenix, my partner Brin and I cried, wondered at the future that was feeling ever more uncertain, and we sang at the top of our lungs with Say Anything - Alive! Alive! Alive with love!

That night, when we made love in a Santa Fe hostel, I felt a certain urgency. Life felt so precious, so fleeting. I wanted to devour her. I wanted to be swallowed up by beauty.

She woke up the next morning with a cough and chills. One positive covid test and a six hour drive later, and we were back in Colorado Springs.

Like last year, I am in my house today, quarantining because of covid. This time, it’s been near impossible to find a PCR test to confirm it. My rapid test was negative, as it often has been when I’ve had covid. Still, in trying to keep my community safe, I can’t go to any memorials. I’m writing this instead.

In the months following, I was often asked, in interviews, by allies, in loaded how are yous, about how things are for queer people in Colorado Springs in the aftermath of Club Q. Whether things were better now that Colorado Springs has double the rainbow flags on display than it once had.

I think people want to hear that things are better. Increased support for the queer community in the aftermath would help our human desire for life to have a narrative in which tragedy serves a greater purpose. But it doesn’t. People are dead who should not be dead. They should be here, living their lives, with countless moments of joy before them. People are alive and still suffering their wounds, both physical and mental, with insufficient support. The needs of survivors have been buried beneath greed. Queer- and transphobia continues to be alive and well.

I don’t go dancing without knowing the emergency exits. Hiring security is now an essential part of hosting queer open mic, and this precaution is also salt in the wound.

What I can also say is that this community is so strong. The queer people of Colorado Springs continue to organize, fight, and live with a vibrancy that inspires me every day. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Still, following Club Q, the world feels more uncertain than ever. It’s an uncertainty that’s been growing — long before Q, long before covid, long before Trump.

It’s hard to look at the shooting in a vacuum. After all, every piece of anti-trans legislation that was introduced this year feels like salt in the wound that Club Q tore open. How can anyone heal when every day there is a new headline about a new group of people who want to legislate against you and people like you.

These years have begged so many questions, questions that many people in this country have been asking for decades: What does America hold in store for us? This country that cares so little for all its people that it would feed them to the maw of capitalism, a hungry god that can never be satiated? A country that let us down to the tune of one million covid deaths and counting? A country that shows time and time again how little it cares for the most vulnerable, with every mass shooting, every piece of anti-trans legislation, every new covid case, every instance of police brutality against people of color, every gallon of petroleum that will push us over nature’s tipping point, every dollar funding the genocide of Palestinians?

Recently, a friend of mine posted on Facebook asking how anyone can feel any peace and joy in the world these days.

I’ve spent the majority of this year trying to figure that out after years of burnout that, despite the fact that I have so much to be thankful for, had embedded a deep exhaustion in me that left me often anhedonic and withdrawn from, not only the world, but myself as well. I worried that this exhaustion would mean the end of my life-long career in activism and organizing at best, and the ultimate succumbing to despair at worst.

I am a person prone to despair, and have been since I was a kid. Not just sadness, but despair — a helpless emotion, a sadness without hope. I’ve always taken the world very personally. The first time I met depression and suicidality were in middle school when I watched An Inconvenient Truth. This started a year-long spiral, during which I was convinced that human beings were parasites destroying this earth, and as a human being, there was no way I could logically justify my existence. Despair has accompanied me since, even when I eventually realized that people are capable of immense love and beauty, and that the real drain on this earth is capitalistic greed and fascism.

I want to share here what has helped me as the case for despair has only continued to grow, in the hopes that it may offer a way forward for those who, like me, struggle at times to get out of bed, and who feel like they are often at the precipice of being consumed by said despair. And, as with everything I write, this is also a series of reminders to myself, as knowledge doesn’t always equal practice. I have been in a very despair-forward place lately, so I am hoping I might course correct myself in writing this all out.

I believe the three prophylactics against paralyzing despair are gratitude, hope, and action. I believe them to be three sisters unified in a dance, their chalices held to the air in service of joy. When I speak of joy, I don’t speak of the mythology of capital-H-Happy. I don’t think there is such a destination. I think of joy as a tool of resistance. I think of it as that which fuels us forward, in even the darkest of times.

If I am to continue to be an engaged and active resistor against that which seeks to annihilate all of us - corporate greed, bigotry, fascism, I can't be overcome by despair, despite being very prone to despair, as I've been for as long as I can remember. In that way, joy serves a vital purpose in the revolution.

Gratitude is a muscle I am trying to work out every day. I think we owe it to this world, this world that continues to be so full of beauty, despite all of the terrible things that happen within it, to try and be grateful for what is here and good right now. These moments — my boyfriend bringing me coffee in bed, the bird stopping by my bird feeder, sitting on the dock of the lake by my house, every time I go out dancing at the gay bar and nothing bad happens — these moments feel more precious than ever. I try to savor them, despite the knowledge that 1. terrible things are happening or can happen at all times, and 2. these good moments are likely to become more and more scarce for all of us if fascism and climate change progress at the rate they are. If I become overcome by despair with this knowledge, the reserves of my hope go unfilled and I can’t be of service to this world. So, I have to be grateful. I have to savor what’s good.

Gratitude also provides the foundation of hope. Hope is an intentional choice, and not one made easily.

“People speak of hope as if it is this delicate, ephemeral thing made of whispers and spider webs. It’s not. Hope has dirt on her face, blood on her knuckles, the grit of cobblestones in her hair, and just spat out a tooth as she rises for another go.” — Tweet by Crowsfault

Without hope, there is nothing to fight for. There is nothing to build toward. We have to have a vision of what can be. So many forces seek to take imagination from us, but we have to be able to imagine the future we want to build, not just the systems we want to dismantle. Admittedly, my imagination isn’t what it used to be — chronic stress has weakened it, but the gratitude that I am present with helps rebuild my imagination of what could be.

I am grateful when I see my trans friends happy and safe. What if all trans people got to be happy and safe. What if we could live their lives without an ounce of fear. What if we got to dance with abandon, without thinking of the emergency exits.

I am grateful when I see my trans friends have access to gender affirming health care. What if all trans people had access to gender affirming health care. What if it was free, and easy to access. What if that was the case for all health care for everyone.

I am grateful when I get to be in nature and feel how I am part of it, how I am, in the words of Alan Watts, “the universe experiencing itself.” What if we all felt that way. What if we all realized we create ourselves in the forge of how we love the world around us.

I am grateful for the organizers, the activists, the changemakers, the artists. What if the world was guided by people like them, people who lead with such a fierce love?

When I feel overcome by dread, it is their words that buoy me. One poem I return to often is Ross Gay’s “Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude.” If I go outside and listen to it and watch the birds, and the clouds, and the people pass by, I can mainline enough hope into me that I can at least do what must be done. Work. Love the people I love. Create. Organize and advocate. If I’m lucky, there will be enough beautiful things that happen that day that I can find more gratitude and hope to keep me going.

Hope and gratitude would be empty platitudes without action, the truest triumph over despair. I think that we all have roles to play in this world inundated with pain. I think we as a community are in the process of learning the power of our voices. The ways that we can amplify gratitude, and hope, and action in all we do, all we share, all we write, all we create.

I have started to see it as a cycle. Act. Act until you must rest and remind yourself of a future you can hope toward to motivate you. If you can’t envision a future you can hope for, be intentional in being grateful for what is so that you can see what can be. If you need to be reminded of what is, seek and create moments in your life that kindle the flames of your gratitude.

I say all this, and still, there are some weeks I can barely leave my bed. I always try my best, but my best isn’t what it used to be. But I have to try and try and keep trying. And gratitude, hope, and action, however foolish and futile they might feel at times, are the best ways I’ve found to try right now, so that we might be able to continue to fight like hell for the people we love, both dead and alive.

P.S. A note for you, reader. I am grateful you’re here. What if the world had more people like you? What would be possible then?

[pineapplerightsideupcake]

hello im on anon bc im new to radblr and im a crypto but just wanted to say thank you for standing up for bisexuals on this blog. idk why but for some reason i expected radblr to have better opinions on bi women than the whole ‘sexually promiscuous bihet’ and ‘traitor for being osa’ and ‘more privileged than homosexuals’ bullshit that everybody else spews. the alphabet cult is actively erasing us in favor of ‘trans inclusive labels’, radblr is invalidating us by blatantly ignoring so many bi women’s experience with sexuality. the biphobia here is almost worse than any offhanded comment ive heard from a straight person. i also don’t think many understand that some women know they’re bi and are confident in that, but others may use bi during a time when theyre unsure if they’re actually attracted to men. ive gone a few of my teenage years acknowledging to myself that im bi, but now in my 20s im questioning if i ever truly felt attracted to men. the things i feel sexually in my most recent relationship with a woman are things ive never felt or even imagined were possible when ‘crushing’ on a guy. i acknowledge that *some* men are aesthetically pleasing for me to look at, but i’m also penis repulsed and always have been. theres nothing sexy to me about penis. truly. it makes me ill thinking about it. and that is confusing for me, bc seeing so many lesbians on here say how sure theyve been about liking women makes me think they did not grow up in an area like i did where homosexuality was truly thought of as demonic, even by the most ‘liberal’ people. i had no idea ssa was normal until i was probably 12 or 13 years old, and before then i just. repressed those feelings. i still did until i was about 17 and fully admitted to myself that ‘hey, i like girls’.

also i didn’t even know what the ‘comphet masterdoc’ was until exploring radblr, but i had heard comphet before and felt that it was very accurate in describing how i feel about men. idk anything abt what’s on the doc. regardless of my ‘true’ sexuality, it feels like theres a very hostile attitude towards bisexuality here, or even someone saying ‘ive tried to have a crush on guys before but only feel sexually/romantically attracted to women’ is met with ‘if youve even THOUGHT about having sex with a man then youre not a lesbian.’ no room for nuance.

sorry for the rant in your inbox, i hope this is okay. but yeah. thank you for being open about bisexuals here and standing up for them.

Thank you! I realized a while ago that radblr had a lot of issues that need to be challenged but I’ve also come to appreciate why these issues occur.

At the end of the day, almost nowhere allows women to speak this freely. Lesbians have had even their online communities absolutely destroyed by the TQ. So more than a few lesbian women on here really don’t want to talk to or about non lesbian women. And I think they’d be happier if they created a separate space for themselves on here where they didn’t feel pressured to, which I think is where a ton of this negativity comes from.

Bisexual women also need to stop offering themselves up as social sacrifices. I see a lot of the anti bi stuff come from bi women themselves sadly. A lot of women on radblr never unlearned that deeply unhelpful ID pol hierarchy from their TRA days.

As for your own personal journey, don’t let other people’s pain, no matter how legitimate, compound your own pain. The way I navigated my sexuality was I called myself a lesbian in my head because men did repulsed me. But it felt like a lie. I’d see a handsome dude jogging and feel a pang of attraction. Men still crept into my fantasies. I have zero desire to sleep with or date men. But that’s got nothing to do with my attraction to them. It’s a conscious personal choice I’ve made for my own happiness and safety.

So call yourself a lesbian just inside your head. Do it everyday. Look in the mirror and say “I am a lesbian” and if after a few months that feels like a lie then you’re bisexual and that’s amazing! If it feels like coming home, if everyday it feels more true, then you’re a lesbian and that’s amazing!

Please love yourself no matter what 💛

[meeda]

Here’s a lengthy retrospective on how I grew up in an environment that was a lot more accepting of trans people, and how that left a positive impact on my views and beliefs today.

I think my first introduction to transexuality was in 2004 ish. I was 9 or 10 and there was this commercial on a filipino tv station for what I think was a phone provider. There was an older lady, along with who I assume was either a drag queen or a trans woman, dancing and singing a catchy jingle together. of course I was just a kid, so I thought, “huh, that’s kinda funny. Why is that man wearing a dress? How silly.” But I didn’t really think any further than that. I heard this commercial many times growing up, I even have the melody memorized to this day. I never once felt disgust or hatred for the “guy in a dress,” I just thought the commercial was funny. My parents never felt the need to explain it to me or shield my eyes or lecture me about gender roles whenever the commercial came on. They just treated it like a normal commercial. It was just a fun time with two people singing and dancing to a jingle about phone providers. Nothing deeper than that.

The next memory I can recall was my first time learning about transgender men. I think I was maybe 11 (so 2006 ish). There was a TV special on whatever channel my mom was watching where they interviewed an older trans man, who talked about his childhood growing up as a girl and why he decided to transition. Again, my mom didn’t like.. freak out or anything. She treated it like it was just another show she was watching. She didnt make any rude or disparaging comments about the guy, she just found the whole interview interesting. As for me, I was intrigued by this man’s story. First off, I was mind blown by how this person, who was born female, looked and sounded so much like a man. I didn’t think that was possible, but now I knew it was. Once again, I felt no hatred or fear or disgust. Just curiosity. I watched a bit of the interview, then got bored and carried on with whatever I was doing before.

Then when I was either 12 or 15 (I honestly can’t remember whether it was 2007 or 2010) I had my hair rebonded by a hairstylist in the Philippines. The hairstylist was an out and proud trans woman. She was recommended by my aunt, and my parents had no reason to object to her doing my hair. I didn’t talk much to the hairstylist, not because I was uncomfortable with her, but because I was just a shy and unsocial teenager lol. But my mom and my aunt had a great time talking to the hairstylist. Though I couldn’t understand much of what they were saying, it definitely sounded like they were all getting along. After the stylist left, my mom didn’t make any negative comments about her to me. And I once again never felt any kind of disgust towards her. She was just my hairstylist for the day, and that was it.

When I learned about transphobia later on in life, I was disappointed but not surprised. Obviously it was just another form of discrimination, which didn’t sit right with me. But it wasn’t just mere bigotry that bothered me. It was their reasoning. Every time I see a conservative or transphobe complain about how trans people are corrupting the youth or indoctrinating kids, I just think back at my childhood. Maybe it’s because I was introduced to transexuality in a very neutral manner, or maybe it’s because I was still young and politically unaware, or maybe it’s because my parents weren’t hateful bigots. But I never saw or heard anything negative about trans people growing up. As far as my young mind could comprehend, they were just people wanted to change their gender. Thats hardly a reason for them to be hated, and yet, conservatives find a way to hate them.

I’m someone who wants kids in the near future and I just know im gonna get hate from conservatives who think im “brainwashing” my kids by teaching them that different genders and sexualities exist. Because in their mind, I would be “forcing” them to learn “against their will.” But they couldn’t be more wrong. I’ll simply do what my parents did and approach it as if we’re a normal subject. Were my parents “forcing the trans agenda” onto me when they allowed the phone commercial to play? Were they “forcing the trans agenda” by letting me watch a non political interview of a trans man? Were they “forcing the trans agenda” by letting a trans woman rebond my hair? Obviously not. But if they had shielded my eyes, if they had made rude comments, if they had forbid the hairstylist from doing my hair, I guarantee it would have instilled some type of fear in my young and impressionable mind. I likely would not have grown up as accepting of trans identities as I am now. And I feel like that is what happened to most transphobes.

Looking back, I’m so grateful for my parents’ nonchalant attitude towards different gender expressions. I truly believe hate is taught, and it never once crossed their minds to teach me to hate another person for the way they express themselves. Considering they had catholic upbringings, they could have easily taught me to be uncomfortable, hateful, or even fearful of transgender people. Similar to how a lot of conservatives are today. My parents aren’t perfect, and like all of us they have their unchecked biases. But it gives me comfort that when I eventually become a parent, I have a good blueprint to follow.

[8-evil-annoying-catboys]

furthermore, i think when talking about ‘outdated’ language and slurs, it’s important to note two things:

1) all these words in english that queer people use to describe ourselves are relatively new, because we have been repeatedly silenced over and over again throughout generations—so to call any language ‘outdated’ that was coined in the 20th century sounds a bit ridiculous when you think about it that way. if the word was coined within living memory, it is not ‘outdated’ just because queer teens don’t identify with it on as large a scale as queer adults did when they were younger. like, let’s just be real here. this language is all pretty new still in the grand scheme of things.

2) all of our words are slurs. all of them, even the ones we coined ourselves, are used against us by people who wish to hurt us. some of the slurs are more reclaimed than others, and depending on the decade and region in which you live, you’ll hear some of them thrown around with intent to harm and some of them used solely as self-identifiers. but ALL of the words that queer people use to describe our identities are still slurs, with the exception maybe of, like, microlabels and xenogenders—but even then, i’ve heard people use xenogenders as insults to genderqueer and nonbinary and even binary trans people who don’t even identify with those labels anyway, so… anyway, my point in bringing this up, is that all of the words queer people didn’t coin to describe ourselves are knives that we snatched from our oppressors’ hands—homosexual, transsexual, gay, bisexual, and so on—so you’re gonna run into people who identify with terms that have been used to hurt you and/or that you’ve only ever heard used in a negative context. when i was growing up, i didn’t really understand that “gay” as in “that’s so gay” and “gay” as in “he’s gay” were the same word, because i heard it used in such different contexts, living in a pretty progressive family but in a red county. i’ve identified with the word gay before, but lately describing myself that way openly has become uncomfortable for a lot of reasons, including the fact that in the 2000s, my formative years, “gay” was DEFINITELY the favorite slur for cishets to throw at our community and use to describe anything they didn’t like, and it was The Slur that i heard in a negative context all the time as a child—i never heard anyone say “fag” or “queer” or any of the other words that queer teens like to argue about most lately, it was always “gay” that was spat out like it left a disgusting taste in their mouth to even speak the word. all that said, obviously, i’m not gonna fucking go up to some gay elder’s blog and leave them an ask saying “don’t call yourself gay, that’s offensive” because that sounds ridiculous. and that’s what people sound like when they try to police queer people’s own self-identifiers. it’s okay to say “i’m not ftm, i’m a trans man, i was never female” if that describes your experience, and it’s okay to be upset with someone for describing you with language that doesn’t fit. what is NOT okay is telling someone ELSE what they’re allowed to call themselves. you have absolutely no say over anybody else’s identity, no matter how ‘outdated’ or ‘offensive’ the language they use to talk about themselves might be to you.

don't use "ftm" it's outdated and offensive. it implies that the trans person was their agab, which we never were. i was always a boy, never a girl who became a boy.

i'm 35 years old. i've been IDing as trans or something similar to trans for nearly 20 years. i was probably calling myself FTM while you were playing tag during recess, anon.

i WAS a girl. i IDed as a girl early in my life. i recognized myself as a girl, called myself a girl, lived as a girl, and was a girl. who then IDed as a man. hence, F t M.

spend more time worrying about yourself instead of strangers on the internet, anon.

sorry not sorry if this comes off as needlessly hostile, but i've been getting a lot of shit from a lot of teenage trans kids about the language i use to describe my own goddamn experience, and i'm growing real fuckin weary of it.

i have elder trans friends who call themselves transsexuals and transvestites and trannies. are you going to seriously go to a 60-year-old trans person who survived the reagan years and tell her she's not allowed to use certain language to describe herself because it might offend the delicate sensibilities of some teenager on the internet?

do yourself a favor and log off, find some real-life trans people who are over the age of 20 or 25, and spend time talking to them instead of getting all holier-than-thou at random strangers on tumblr.

[strkid]

At this point an anon could say literally anything about trans woman with video proof and links to numerous articles about it and I’d still struggle to believe it genuinely even if I heard the victim themself I’d really struggle to listen the way I would if it was anyone else who stood accused

Like unless this is done in person and whoever told me the story had a reason to tell me specifically I just…

Everyone is getting on my nerves. Trans women are girlcocks and your goth gamer mommies or whatever to you but the moment they express a semblance of sexuality of their own, you start the witch hunt

The only irl spaces where I frequently encounter trans women are anarchist spaces and hackerspaces. I never meet them at the queer salsa class or the lesbian crafts circles or whatever the fuck it is

Because the rest of us have fucking failed creating spaces that value trans women

Yes transmascs are a hot button topic in a lot of these spaces and absolutely trans men who undergo medical transition especially are basically also fully kicked out but the thing is, we have to be honest with ourselves here; when we were new out of the closet we had a safe space to be. A safe space to explore and experiment. It wasn’t until we were ready to take those final steps - the very same steps that tend to get us accepted into most cis-spaces - that we got kicked out

Trans women are not safe anywhere. And they don’t feel safe with us.

We have to look out for each other. And yes this includes respecting, valuing and including trans women who might be posting negatively about TME people’s behaviors.

INCLUDING SOMETIMES LETTING HER BE FRUSTRATED WITH TRANSMASC PEOPLE. Including letting her make fun of us sometimes

Yeah if someone makes you feel extremely like shit tell them gently and ask them to not do that. But it doesn’t give you or anyone else a free pass to treat her any differently than you would a transmasc saying those exact same things

I’m so fucking done with the queer community, specifically and especially the non anarchist spaces

Unless you’re on the barricades or manifacturing estrogen or both like what are you even doing for trans women at this point. Are you uplifting their voices. Are you making them feel heard. Are you treating them like people?

[vis-writing-corner]

I am 25 years old. A quarter of a century. It doesn't feel like it, it feels like I've just become myself after being lost the fog of childhood. I entered this world that day I started HRT and believed in a new future.

It feels wrong to say a childhood was robbed from me, I don't remember it fondly but I know there were people there that wanted it to be perfect. Maybe they could have seen that their child felt like there was a veil between them and the world. They could have seen the crippling anxiety and my failure to interact with my peers. When they did see it, they could have done better than hokey self help books that made my heart prickle because I knew they were an act of pure love but I also felt they could never ever reach the part of me that was broken. I wish they had seen that my brain doesn't work like other people's and helped me understand the way it does so I'm not taking endless neurodivergency tests and refusing to accept the results cause it doesn't feel 'legitimate' enough. But I also know they were two adults with their own struggles who tried to give their child the moon and the stars and the disdain that I do hold makes my heart ache. When I told dad he was going to be my best friend forever when I was 8 and I honestly truly believed it with my whole heart.

It became easier to rationalize the negative feelings when he said he'd never stop seeing me as the son he named after himself, the son he tried to mould into himself. He tries to use my nickname now, at least when he and mom don't mix up me and my girlfriends name. I will never forget the moment I realized that he was more invested in his image of me than seeing me happy. I've heard them deadname me in low voices when they think I am out of earshot and I can't help feel you wouldn't forget your kids preferred name if you gave it a bit more practice. Sometimes I question if it's because I can't preform femininity well enough around them, but I'm tired of putting facades around my genuine self whenever I need to be around them. My ability to hide things from them is what led to the argument of "you showed no signs of it and you can't be trans" in between tears when I tried to come out. Still beats my ex accusing me of killing her boyfriend I suppose.

I ignore my parents messages and I avoid going to their house but I still love them and I would still do anything for them. Mom constantly complains I don't visit them enough and she's probably right but I also need to take care of myself. I wish thinking about them didn't make my heart hurt.